Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
