Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
