If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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