Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
