We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
