i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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