Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
