she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
