Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
