Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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