Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
