I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
