Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want her autograph on my taint
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
