people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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