i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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