How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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