what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We had sex on a dog bed..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
