Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
