I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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