fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
