"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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