I'm so fucking centered right now
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
