My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
