Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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