Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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