uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
