Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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