you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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