dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
