i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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