there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He passed out mid-signature
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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