Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
