Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
