My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
