its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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