In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
