btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
