His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
