Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
