its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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