Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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