i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
