I accidentally had phone sex last night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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