So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
