her vagine was all disorganized.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
