sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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