believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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