My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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