and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sry I called you an 8
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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