I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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