I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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