he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
