what day is it and did you see me today?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
