New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
