fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
