saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
